


It's not love, it's pain

by Phanteasers



Category: Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: Feels, Fluff, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2018-01-15 12:49:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1305451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phanteasers/pseuds/Phanteasers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil are always surrounded by girls, but when a fateful mistake is made, they end up pretending to date<br/>Very fluffy</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dan’s POV  
A message flashed up on my phone again. Another girl confessing that she’s ‘madly in love’ with me, and how she loves my eyes, hair, hands, butt, whatever. This time it was Olivia, the jock-girl of the school. She was pretty and nice, but, as I’ve said endless amounts of times, the feeling was not mutual.   
I pretended not to notice the message, and pocketed my phone. I picked up my coat from the hall floor, and threw my backpack over my shoulder. Both my parents had already left, so I walked out the house without having anyone to say goodbye to.  
The snow was deep outside, a few inches at least. Maybe they’d cancel school. I prayed inwardly that school would be cancelled, although that was wishful thinking, probably even mindless dreaming. I closed the door behind me.  
I stood still on the door step for a moment, watching my breath swirl in a cloud of steam before disappearing into the cold air. My coat zip was undone, so I did it up all the way past my neck, to my chin, and buried my face in the warm fabric.   
I trudged through deep snow for the long walk to school. On the way, I had to ignore the pretty girls on every corner, watching me as I walk to school, all whispering to each other “does he know?”.   
I do know, though. I know that they all follow me home sometimes, giggling and squealing if I turn around.   
A group of girls from my year walk in front of me, walking at such a slow pace that it’s impossible to stay behind them, and I’m forced to walk through them, an awkward silence as they all watch me walk away.   
After turning another corner, I see Phil, in the same position as me, girls swooning around him, can’t blame them though. He turns around when he realizes I’m behind him. His blue eyes look into mine, god, you could go swimming in eyes that blue. He half smiles at me. Cute.   
We’re not friends, exactly; we just understand each other’s pain when it comes to girls.   
“We’re going to be late” Phil pointed out, glancing down at his watch.   
I wasn’t prepared to be spoken to, and this caught me off guard, so all I could say was “huh? Oh, yeah.”  
I inwardly curse at my loss for words. God, I was awkward. What do those girls even see in me?   
Phil and I walked silently to school together, and when we got to the gate, we parted, going off to different rooms. I walked towards the field, where at least half the school were standing around, doing nothing but freezing to death.   
I walked towards my friend, Cathy, who wasn’t even wearing a coat and looked slightly blue from the cold.   
“Cathy, oh god, put a coat on, you’ll catch your death” I said, wiping snow off her face  
“I don’t have one” she shivered. I sighed and slipped my coat off and wrapped it around her. She warmed herself in it, gratefully. “Thanks, Dan”  
“It’s okay” I said, rubbing up and down my arms in vain attempt to warm myself.   
Some girls around us muttered jealous remarks about Cath. She turned away from them and looked up at me. I was much taller than her, and my coat looked giant on her thin body.   
“They love you” she pointed out  
“No, being in love and having a crush are different things” I slyly smiled back at her  
“No big difference really” She rolled her eyes at my snobby comment  
“Hey, what are we doing out here, anyways?” I ask, looking around at the majority of the school crowded around in a clump.   
“Waiting for the head to let us go, I think”   
“Snow day?” I ask  
“Seems like it”. And at that moment, the head came outside and ushered us home. I sighed in relief as I climbed up the steps, towards the path back to the gate. Cath got into her mum’s car and gave me back my coat and thanked me.   
As I walked out the gate, I heard someone calling my name. A girl.   
“Dan! Dan wait!” She called, desperately  
I turned around and raised an eyebrow at her “what?”  
She giggled slightly, and looked back at her friends, who stood behind her, nudging each other “What would you say if I asked you out?”  
I sighed “I’m sorry, you’re cool, but I don’t want to.”   
“Why?” She whined, twirling a bit of hair around her finger, in attempt to be seductive  
I stood there on the spot, with the realization that I didn’t actually have a good answer for her question. I knew I had to answer though.   
“Uh, um” I spluttered, lost for words, “I’m uh…gay”  
I couldn’t believe the lie I just told. I regretted it as soon as the words left my lips. I stood there in complete terror and shock as I watched the glow leave the girls face. She looked horrified.  
“I…uh…I need to go” She spat out before running off with her group of friends. I stood wide eyed, stunned, completely in awe of what I just did.  
I turned around and ran, astray of even where I was going. I cursed under my breath, getting louder and louder until I was practically screaming.   
My phone buzzed non-stop in my pocket, people calling, texting, tweeting, whatever. People already knew. I felt sick. I was going to puke.   
I stopped for a moment by someone’s garden flower bed and leaned over, collapsing onto my hands and knees and-


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil are always surrounded by girls, but when a fateful mistake is made, they end up pretending to date  
> Very fluffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, it was supposed to be uploaded last week. Oops. Internet was really slow sorry :(

I looked down at the horror that just exited my mouth. I wiped some away from the corners of my mouth and down my chin. I had to get home and wash my clothes; my mum would kill me if she saw the mess I made.   
Quickly, I got up off my knees and brushed the white powder off my trousers. Sighing, I began to walk home, although I barely even knew where I was. As I walked through the stinging snow, my phone continued to vibrate, and eventually I took it out to reply.   
“Gay Lord lmfao loool”  
“Fag ha”  
“Die homo”  
These were the first three things to come into view as I unlocked my phone. And to make it even worse, they were from the people who I’d call my ‘friends’, although they probably wouldn’t call me their friend anymore.  
I sunk into a deeper anxiety, panicking about school, work, people, explaining this to people who I cared about most, everything.  
“Can’t be taken back now” I mumbled to myself under my breath. The words turned into a cloud of warm air in the cold winter atmosphere, swirling and spiralling until finally disappearing into nothing.  
I got home, and let myself into the house. I dumped my bag on the floor, and as the only person at home, I went to dump my coat and trousers in the washing machine, then upstairs to my bedroom, and opened my laptop. I had an infinite amount of Facebook messages waiting for me, all on the same subject.   
I leaned back in the leather chair and placed my first and second fingers on my temple and slowly massaging my brain. It was a technique I learnt from my Dad when I was young; when he got stressed out he massaged his brain and told me it was ‘relaxing’ and ‘therapeutic’, although I barely knew what they meant at that age.  
But I could barely go a few seconds without the horrible thought of going back to school plaguing my mind. I could already see all the boys looking at me as if I was different to them, something vile, stupid; just plain different. It was as if I had DIFFERENT written across my forehead, though I was the same as I always have been. I was like them, but they didn’t know that, and there was no way I could reverse what I had done.   
They wouldn’t listen to me anyway.   
I stood up and walked back out of my room. I was getting hot, and I needed to get out before I went mad. I couldn’t look at my laptop for more than 0.2 seconds without someone else messaging me. My inbox was probably piling up by now, even more so than before.   
I shoved my coat back on and pulled my boots on. I went on a walk, to the field next to my back garden.   
In the field it was usually very quiet and deserted, and I liked sitting on the rope swing attached to the large tree at the top of the hill. The view from there was amazing, and it was calming just to sit there and watch the world do its everyday routine.   
When I got to my usual spot at the top of the hill, I was breathless and worn out from the steep climb and it was nice to relax under the tree. As soon as I sat down some snow shook off a tree branch and scattered over me. I didn’t bother wiping it off though, I just let it sit on my hair and shoulders, tickling my neck and sliding down my back.  
I pulled out my phone to check if anyone I actually cared about had messaged me. There was a rare message from Phil on the ‘recent messages’ alerts, so I opened it.   
“You’re gay? Or is that just a rumour?”   
I was glad that at least someone didn’t believe it without checking first, and it wasn’t surprising to know it was Phil. He was different in a good way.  
I tapped out a reply to him  
“Depends if you want to hear the truth or not”  
I waited for a reply. Meanwhile, I saw girls from my school walking down the hill, laughing and chatting. I kept my head down in hopes that they wouldn’t recognise me. The hopes were trashed, as they immediately went silent when they saw me and stopped in their tracks, before whispering amongst themselves and walking off.  
My phone lit up with a message from Phil  
“Truth Please”  
I decided that if I was to tell anyone, it would be him. He was Phil, after all, someone trustworthy.   
“I said it to get girls to leave me alone, no matter how conceited it sounds. Bad idea, I know”  
“SENT.” popped up on my phone and I looked back up. I watched the snow fall as little threads in the blanket that covered the ground.   
Everything was stunningly white. I admired my surroundings in that very emotional, dramatic sense that they always talk about in teen fictional romance novels. Things like ‘she looked over the hills and contemplated life, watching as her world went by before her eyes’. And although that’s what it felt like, it wasn’t what I was doing. I was simply looking at snow.  
Another message came up on my phone, from Phil again.   
“I feel for you man”  
A response I wasn’t expecting. I was expecting him to lecture me about the great mistake I’ve just made.   
I lost track of time, and suddenly minutes had gone past and I was still staring into the abyss (not in a dramatic sense though).   
“I thought I’d see you here” a low voice from behind me greeted me. I turned my head to see who. Phil was leaning against a tree with a half-smile on his face. I smiled at him  
“You were looking for me?” I asked, raising my eyebrows  
“Technically, no” he said “but as I was walking I realized that you would probably be here”  
“Your realization was correct” I nodded and turned the swing around to face him.  
After a second or two he looked me in the eyes and said “Dan, I do get what you were going through” he paused “with the girls and everything”  
“Yeah I know” I shrugged “Why?”  
I was not expecting what he said next, and it threw me off so much that I was paralyzed for a moment and speechless after that. Phil was not someone I expected to say

“We should date, Dan”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE UP SOONER BECAUSE I'M GETTING INTO THE MOOD!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I tricked y'all with the last chapter BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hell yeAH
> 
> Next chapter. soon. I promise.

Chapter 3  
My body rocked on the rope swing, stunned. Particles of snow fell from the tree, landing on Phil’s shoulders and hair; he wiped them off, dismissing them. I sat, wide eyed staring at him.   
He looked up at me and laughed out loud “Dan!” he laughed “I didn’t mean for real! I meant pretend to so they’ll leave us alone, silly!”  
I sighed, relieved. I didn’t want to witness a painfully awkward moment and have to walk home undoubtedly cringing.   
“Right, right, I knew that” I lied “Yeah, good idea. How will we tell people?”  
“We don’t.” he replied “They can see for themselves”  
“What do you mean?” I asked, frowning, confused  
“Well, we have to like act in love. I don’t know. They’ll figure it out soon enough.” He said, before winking and walking away. Bastard.   
I smiled secretly to myself. I mean, how hard could this be? And if someone else is pretending with me, it won’t be as lonely.  
I then stood up and walked in the opposite direction, towards home, where I could be at peace finally. I was glad it had finally solved itself, and I wasn’t dreading school as much now, but it still hadn’t blown over completely.  
When I got back the house was eerily quiet, so I plugged my phone into the speaker sound system and blasted Fall Out Boy throughout the house, undoubtedly annoying my neighbours to the brink of sanity. They’re used to it though.  
I sang along to my favourite song ‘Death Valley’. I loved this band, even though most of my friends preferred more popular music that I hated. I knew that Phil loved Fall Out Boy too, one of the many things we had in common. It was surprising that we weren’t already friends- we loved the same video games, music, movies, tv shows. We were so in sync it was scarily perfect.

I went to bed that night with an uncomfortable lump in my throat. I regretted earlier, realizing that pretending to be with Phil was going to be awkward and ruin every shred of dignity I had at school. I wouldn’t be treated the same, no matter what. They won’t treat me bad for pretending to be gay, they’d just treat me differently as if I wasn’t really the same person, although I was still Dan, I just happened to be fake-gay.  
I secretly prayed for something to come up so I didn’t have to go to school the next day and face judging stares and awkward convocations with people who maybe weren’t even my friends anymore, and instead vile people who’d call me ‘fag’ and other homophobic names.  
I tossed and turned in my bed, but no matter how I positioned myself, I couldn’t sleep, there was an uncomfortable weight on me that couldn’t be lessened no matter how much I pushed.   
Eventually my eyelids grew heavy and I fell into a deep sleep, a deep sleep with pleasant dreams, not dreams of falling, or showing up to school naked. A peaceful dream that kept Dan asleep for longer, so much longer that he missed his alarm by 20 minutes.   
“Shhhhit” Dan woke up with only 10 minutes to get ready and leave.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been in Wales. It rained. A lot. And I wrote a lot more while I was there, but had no internet so could not upload (*sobbing*)  
> BUT I have a long chapter for you here to make up for the last, very, very short one!!

I stumbled out the house, with only just enough time to get to school. I was still hopping around, trying to get my left shoe on. It was still snowing outside, and I wondered if they would cancel school again. 

I trudged through the snow, each footstep crunching beneath me. 

Eventually I saw Phil’s silhouette appear from the fog, and jogged to catch up with him. 

I stopped next to him “Hey”

“Hey Dan” Phil smiled a warm smile at me, even in all the snow I could feel his smile radiating off of his face and melting the coldness

We walked next to each other, mostly remaining silent, until we came to the long road that everyone walked up to get to the school gates. People were walking on both sides of the road, some alone, some in groups, and some in pairs.

People started to stare at us, some whispering, undoubtedly, about me. 

“Quick, take my hand” Phil whispered, and grabbed my hand in his. His was warm, despite the snow and the coldness, not a surprise though, Phil was a warm person in every way. My hand was cold and clammy, although it didn’t seem to bother him. I felt self-conscious about my hand for the rest of the walk to school.

We walked up the road, hand in hand, as people stared at us. Phil stared straight ahead, unfazed by it all, but me? I was looking around, watching other people, darting my head. I looked completely insane

“Dan” Phil hissed through gritted teeth “Act natural” I did as I was told, looking straight ahead, clenching my jaw tight and bared not looking around, being unaware of people’s reactions, though that was all I cared about. Phil didn’t seem to even mind. How did he do that,was he mental? 

“Phil, they’re staring at us” I complained to Phil under my breath, so as not to be overheard by people shoving past us.

“Just ignore them then” Phil smiled at me, shaking his head, his blue eyes gleaming, reflecting the whiteness from around us

I glanced down at my watch; three minutes until school started. 

A whole three minutes. I started doing the maths in my head. Three minutes would be sixty times three, which would be 180 seconds, but as I’m getting redder cheeks by every second that passes, I’d be suffocating by the time we get through to our lockers. 

I kept my head down, shielding my red splotchy face from the crowd of judging stares that pierce my skin with pressuring eyes. 

We finally make it through the crowd of people pushing and shoving past us, and Phil comes with me to my locker, and although I wish he wouldn’t, I don’t protest. Instead, I keep walking, mimicking Phil’s movement, how he brushes away the snotty remarks from everyone as we walk, how he walks with his head slightly tilted up.

I push the combination into my locker and shove books from my bag into the small space. A few books fall out and I curse under my breath. I start bending down to pick them up, but Phil’s already there, saying “let me get that” in a cheerful Phil-like tone.

I smile and take them from him “what are you doing?” I ask through gritted teeth

“We’re supposed to,” He hisses back, trying not to be heard “How else will they get it?”

Get what though? What were we even doing? I was starting to regret this agreement and started inwardly arguing with myself,weighing up the pros and cons. I eventually settled on ‘it’s too late to turn back now’. Which, in all honesty, it was.

“Do you need to go to your locker?” I asked Phil

“Yeah, but you don’t have to come with me.” 

“Okay,” I smiled as he began to walk off “see you later”

“Bye” he said, happily, but as soon as he left I felt deflated and exhausted. I wanted to go home but school hadn’t even started yet.

The bell rang five times consecutively, which signalled us to first lessons, mine was trigonometry, my favourite. 

All my friends hated it, but I found it quite simple and had no trouble understanding any of it. It’s easy in my mind, an un-usual opinion though.

I found my friends, Cathy, Ben, Lindsay and Nathan, already waiting for me in the classroom. Cathy had saved me a seat next to her, and I slid into it without touching the table. 

When she looked up she smiled at me, but it was a sad, unbelievable smile, one that you might give to someone at a funeral for support. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked her immediately, not bothering to even say ‘hello’ first. Or ‘by the way I’m not really gay’

“Oh, nothing” she answered, but I could tell by the look in her eye that something was up and I wasn’t prepared to let it drop yet.

“You look upset. Did something happen?” I asked, frowning in confusion

Ben looked up at me and sort of darted his eyes away quickly, then said firmly “leave her alone”, but he said it so intense and forcefully that it was almost shouting. I felt a hostile vibe through my friends, pointed at me.

“Okay” I slouched down in my seat and waited for the teacher to come in. 

The lesson dragged on, minute by minute, second by second. Time seemed to take longer when you’re looking forward to something, even though I didn’t even really know what I was looking forward to. 

When the bell rang I had already packed up my things and dashed out the classroom before someone could stop me. Next lesson was art, and I loved it. It was so free, there were no rules like there were in other subjects. Nothing to go by, but you could do anything without doing it wrong. There wasn’t such thing as right or wrong in art, it was all different and unique by who was doing it. 

When I sat down I immediately took out my pencils and got some paints from the cabinet under the sink. My work had already been taking its form through the past few weeks, but today I was taking a step and decided to add colour. 

So far it was just pencil outlines, and markings, eventually to be turned into a large landscape painting of snow and dark trees below the beautiful colours of the northern lights.

I dipped a slightly wet paintbrush into the paint pallet, mixing the brush into a white, covering the hairs of the brush with a light layer of paint.

Taking a deep breath in, I begin to trace around the edges of the snow with a white, later to add shadows and tones to the piece, focusing on the snow on the floor for the time being. 

I loved doing this, covering a canvas with my own works, watching as it slowly comes together, messing up, trying again, getting it right. Being proud of myself for something.

It was all stopped by the bell though, and everyone started packing up their equipment and talking to each other about their works and how it’s going, all blended together to make a low murmur, the sound you get when you hear a lot of people talking all at once in a large room.

As I was walking out I felt an uneasy feeling that someone was watching me. I whipped my head around quickly to come face to face with a large (understatement of the year) boy, called Harry.

His arms were three times the normal size, and it honestly looked like he was on steroids. I quickly looked away, to avoid eye contact with this boy, and to avoid a wave of his stench. _God that boy smelt bad._

I whipped my body around and speed-walked outside, walking out the building, and attempting an escape, always planning an escape route.

But I narrowly missed it, as I heard an “Oi, Howell” in a low, rough voice that belonged to Harry

I turned around, knowing that if I made a run for it, I’d surely get a beating later. This boy scared the hell out of everyone that went to this school

“Yes?” I asked, trying to be as polite as possible without getting down on one knee and polishing his shoes for him.

He nudged one of his friends and snickered, then snorted “faggot” and threw his coke can at me.

Cheers mate.

That was only the start though, as my first mistake was turning around, and mumbling not-so-subtly “Take a shower, fat-ass”. He un-doubtedly heard me.

Everything went silent. Nothing moved. It was as if the world and time had stopped, and thats when every thing went too fast to process. That moment before you die kind of thing.

I felt thumping (I’m not even joking, you could hear him walk) footsteps coming towards me, I could feel his furiousness, and I was sure he could smell my fear. 

As soon as he was near enough to me, he shoved me against the wall, face first, where I smashed my nose in. Blood began to flow out of it uncontrollably, trickling down my face into my mouth.

And the last thing I saw before I passed out was a big, sweaty fist flying towards me.

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter up thursday/friday hopefully?


End file.
